Thoughts on Having a Daughter

A few weeks ago, Phillip and I sat in a little booth at Chili’s for some late night appetizers and made some baby predictions. Ironically, each of us picked November 7th as our predicted birth date. Well, today is the 7th and if labor doesn’t begin in the next few hours, he and I plan to go out on another little dinner date and make new predictions and relish this last bit of alone time we may get.

Phillip has been so sweet over the last few weeks to take the boys along with him a little more often so that I can have bits and pieces of alone time. I’m the type of person who processes things through contemplative thinking and often through writing. But in the busyness of our move and remodel, homeschooling the boys, and making baby preparations, I have not been doing a very good job of nurturing my soul with regular alone time.

So in preparing for my baby girl’s impending arrival, I feel the need to process some of my thoughts and feelings about having a daughter. Bear with me here…

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When I first found out that we were having a girl, I was a little overwhelmed by the cultural stereotypes for little girls…pink, glitter, princesses, etc.

I have never really felt that I fit neatly under any category of girl stereotype.

I was never quite girly enough for the hot pink, squealy, girly crowd, but still too girly to hang out with the tomboys. I was too smart to pass for a ditzy flirt, but didn’t care enough to debate with the passionate intellects.

I was kind of a floater.

Even as an adult, I struggle to fit in.

I won’t leave the house without makeup, but I’d rather have paint under my nails than polish on top. I love being a stay-at-home, homeschooling, crafty mom, but I also have a burning passion for ministry and business endeavors. I’d rather sit and talk theology and vision with church leadership than go out for brunch and shopping with the ladies. I love getting lost in a good book, and I also love to throw a good party. I cloth diaper, co-sleep, babywear and breastfeed, but I have zero desire to have a home birth and you will find paper towels hidden under my sink and my fridge stocked with Coke Zero. I love to decorate my house, but would also sell everything and move to the mission field to live off the grid if that is how God directs.

The different parts of me just don’t always seem to make a whole lot of sense when put together, and certainly don’t fit neatly inside a box or under a label.

But you know what? I am starting to figure out that it’s okay that I’m not exactly like anyone else.

I am Amanda Rochelle Shutts Medlin, and I am a one-of-a-kind creation of God.

I’m a wildflower.

I am finally learning to embrace my uniqueness, but I want to raise my daughter to embrace hers from the very beginning.

I can’t wait to get to know her. To learn her personality, her likes and dislikes, discover her quirks and traits. I want to encourage her to be who the Father created her to be, to follow her heart and her passions, and to not conform to any cultural or gender stereotypes.

I want her to be as girly as she wants to be, but I also want her to know that she is more than the way she looks, more than the way that she dresses, and more than her sexuality.

I want her to know that she is a daughter of God, created and called according to His purposes to do His Kingdom’s work. I want her to know that her life and calling may look completely different than anyone else’s and that is okay because she is as unique as her fingerprints and she does not need to try to be anyone other than the person her heavenly Father created her to be.

…..

When I first found out that we were having a girl, my joy and excitement were accompanied by a bit of fear.

Fear of failing at the great and overwhelming responsibility of raising a WOMAN. Because at 33 years old, I feel like I am still so far away from being the woman I want to be. I know that it will take me a lifetime to become her, but now, before I have it all figured out, I have been given the task to take a precious little girl by the hand and lead her down the path of womanhood.

I want so badly to be a perfect example for her.

A perfect example of strength and beauty, grace and kindness, patience and generosity, great faith and wisdom.

But I know that I am flawed, and as her little feet pitter patter in my footsteps, I know her innocent eyes of wonder will witness my mistakes and my humanity. My anger and my frustration. My selfishness and immaturity. My own struggle to embrace my uniqueness and be secure in who I am.

But as much as I want to hide those parts of me from her, I know that she needs to know the real me. That she needs to see God’s beautiful work of grace and mercy and redemption in my life as He continues to shape me into the woman that He has called me to be.

I want her to know from an early age, that there is no such thing as a perfect woman, because I don’t want her to waste years of her life trying to be her.

I pray that as I show her my flaws and imperfections, that she will learn to accept her own flaws and imperfections, knowing that it is only through Christ’s blood that she and I can achieve true beauty and righteousness.

…..

I can’t wait to meet you, my little wildflower, and to spend my lifetime loving you and watching you become the woman that God already knows you to be!

…..

Well, I’m off to get ready for my date and make some new baby predictions, unless something happens in the next 7 hours!

Always,

Amanda

Wildflower Print by Katie Daisy

Comments

  1. Love you, friend. Been praying for you this week.

  2. This is exactly how I felt before having my first daughter. Once you jump in, though, the water is just fine…fabulous actually.

    • Amanda Medlin says:

      Now that I have gotten over my initial fears, I am so very excited! You are a beautiful mom Madeline, and your blog and pictures are always an inspiration to me. I have the feeling that if we lived close, we would be very good friends!

  3. Melanie Bramlett says:

    wow!! I have never read a more beautiful blog about mothering a daughter… you completely wrecked me…I have also never read someone so perfectly describe myself…. my husband even calls me his Wildflower… never willing to color in the lines so I create new lines. Madison is the very same way. You are going to make a great mom of a daughter. She will call you her best friend one day… it’s the greatest feeling EVER!

  4. This was wonderful! I also have two boys and I am due with a girl in December. This sums up a lot of how I have been feeling.

    • Amanda Medlin says:

      Morgan, I am glad that you were able to identify with my feelings. I pray that you and I will rest in knowing that the Father will provide with all that we need to do this important job of raising His daughters!

  5. I love this post. Having a girl TERRIFIES me (for so many of the reasons that you mentioned). Much like you, I feel like a floater (we have a lot in common, actually) and I feel like my identity as a grown woman is still forming. In fact, most days, I feel like a complete impostor – no one really knows that I feel like I’m 21, or 17 or 13 most of the time! Still trying to figure out who I am and I’m worried that that process would have a much bigger impact on a daughter than it will on my son. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter because I have no daughter nor am I pregnant with one, I just wanted you to know that I sort of get what you are saying. :)

  6. I think as a mom it is so hard to mother our daughters, because we’re it…there is no filter {other than God} between us and them….so much to fear and think about and yet, if we live to His glory, so will she.

  7. I just happened upon your blog today and felt the need to reach out and say hello. After reading over your past posts, and this one specifically, I can’t believe how much we have in common. I even have that Wildflower print in my 9 month old daughter Nola’s room. I am exactly how you described yourself and have been dealing with the same thoughts and emotions having a little girl. I spent most of my childhood and young adulthood feeling like I never quite fit in with any peer group and have spent more time than I care to admit berating myself over my lack of social identity and imperfections. As a new mother who is wildly in love with her new daughter, I find myself aching over the idea that she will share my struggles. Reading your lovely and honest words has helped me gain some perspective on this matter, so thanks :). I hope you’re enjoying your babymoon.

    • Amanda Medlin says:

      Thank you so much for taking the time to say hello and share a bit of your story! Congratulations on your new daughter as well!

  8. It seems as though God WANTED me to find your blog tonight. I was just thinking about the kind of woman I want to raise my daughter to be and the kind of woman I want my son to marry. Its hard because I want her to be/him to marry a Proverbs 31 woman, butI am no where near that kind of woman. And how can I expect that from my children if I don’t model it myself. It’s nice to see that there are other out there that feel as I do. Somewhere in the middle and not quite what we want to be.

    • Amanda Medlin says:

      Natalie, I am beginning to realize that what we are to model to our daughters is that becoming a godly woman is less of a destination and more of a journey. Always learning, growing and maturing, but not without mistakes, repentance and grace.

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